TMR: The Massive Post

I really am lousy at keeping up with my so-called weekly features. I admire the motivation of the website owners who just sit down and finish their entries. I tend to start my entries, save them as a draft, avoid them and then delete them. I love writing, but I sure am an enthusiastic starter and an awful finisher (I am trying to decide whether that sounds dirty or not; sexperts, let me know). I think the amount of content my site would have if I actually finished the ideas stored on my laptop would surprise me. Anyway, in the spirit of the Tuesday Movie review, here are the reviews I meant to publish (with one still to come).

The Lives Of Others

The movie started slowly (although beautifully), and I was questioning whether it would be of the extremely high quality I was expecting. Before I knew it, I was completely engrossed. I cannot remember ever being so emotionally involved in what happens to the protagonists of a movie - when Dreyman and Wiesler were hurting, I was hurting too. I had the entire cinema to myself for 80% of the movie (I have no idea what the two people who came in saw… I wouldn’t have thought this movie was one you’d walk out on) and didn’t even realise until the lights came up. It was a beautiful, thought-provoking film, and I would strongly recommend seeing it some time. My one quibble (really hard to think of a less dorky sounding word to use there) was that the ending was a bit disjointed. Otherwise, it was Tuesday Movie viewing perfection.

Starter For 10

I must confess to you all - I am a romantic comedy junkie. I have seen an unhealthy amount of the genre, ranging from the shitty to the so-so to the sublime. Therefore, I wanted to see this just because it was a rom com. However, I ended up enjoying this mostly for the comedy, because I thought the romantic part was weak. James McAvoy was charming (as usual), and I reckon if they had cast a less charismatic actor the movie would have been flat. There wasn’t really much for the other characters to do. Apart from the uptight nerd captain of the quiz team. He was such a major laugh. Yeah, he was totally a stereotype. But damn if he wasn’t a funny stereotype.

Eagle vs. Shark

I actually really love stupid, dry humour if done properly, but it was a bit hit and miss here. I don’t know what it says about me that I laughed my ass off at a pratfall. Yes, it was very Napolean Dynamite in style, but I thought the characters were developed better. Lily was a sweetheart, and the best character by far. Jarrod was an arsehole, but strangely charming in parts. I would be worried that I thought that, but it’s probably my love of the Conchord boys that helped me come to that conclusion. I also really love Taiki Waititi (especially after he pretended to be asleep when they called his name at the Oscars), so the fact he gave himself a cameo as the perfect son was perfect.

Oh, and the apple stop-motion animation was adorable!

Paris Je T’Aime

I ended up seeing this because all the new releases I want to see haven’t been released yet. What is up with New Zealand and its slack release dates? Most of these movies came out in 2006! I wasn’t expecting much, but I was charmed overall. And if you’re really interested, I’ve added short (for me) reviews for all the arrondissements under the cut.

TMR: Knocked Up / The Devil Came On Horseback

4 hour break on Tuesday + $9.50 movies = the Tuesday* Movie Review.

*Not necessarily published on Tuesdays. Me? Up to date? You have got to be kidding.

This week was Knocked Up.

I am always unsure when seeing a comedy. It’s not that I don’t like to laugh. It’s just I either don’t find the comedy funny (and there are a lot of stupid comedies being released whose only selling point is that they let you know they are awful), or the comedy dries up after the first half hour. You can probably see where I am heading with this. Knocked Up actually made me laugh, even when no-one else was (which is slightly embarrassing when you’re a movie-watching loner), and I laughed throughout (embarrassment be damned!). I think I have a German sense of humour because I was giggling like crazy (in my head) when the stoned Pete said one of the chairs was being very droll. It’s nice to watch a comedy and enjoy it, instead of thinking how desperate it must be for laughs to include a thousand fart jokes. Oh God, I sound like such a comedy snob. Somebody fart quickly so I can laugh my ass off!!

The one thing I thought could possibly spoil the movie for me was the fact it paired up Katherine Heigl with Seth Rogen. The way movie reviewers put it, it was supposed to be a complete stretch of credibility - why would beautiful, blonde Alison ever in a million years stick with tubby, average looking Ben, etc etc? This is probably coming from people who think Brad Pitt is a super stud. To go off on a complete tangent, I think Brad Pitt is the most overrated looking guy ever. The only time I ever found him attractive was when he had his shirt off in Thelma and Louise (because I was staring at his abs, and not his face). Anyway, I thought the pairing was cute and not at all implausible (the romantic comedy fan in me was very happy). They didn’t make Alison shallow or heartless, and Ben wasn’t a complete and utter loser, so why not? More nerdy leading men I say!

I also learnt from the trailers that Because I Said So looks like a painful mess, and so does I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. Does anyone else love trailers as much as I do? The trailer channel is my crack. What can I say? I love seeing how the studios try to sell their movies, even if I’ve already seen the movie in question.

Moving on…

Last week I saw The Devil Came on Horseback, which was part of the Auckland International Film Festival.

I must mention that I was sitting all by myself in peace and quiet and movie-watching bliss until this idiot came in 5 minutes late and impatiently pushed his way past my legs to get to his seat. That seat was, unfortunately, right next to me (damn allocated seating!). I was a bit pissed off, but that was nothing compared to how pissed off I was when he started breathing loudly through his nose, and continued to do so the entire film. I know people can’t help the way they breathe, but my god was it annoying. Not to mention that he would mix it up every so often and unleash this disgustingly mucusy snort. I felt incredibly embarrassed. Here I am watching these poor people in the Sudan suffer incredible atrocities, and I’m thinking of something as infantile as wanting to stomp on this guy’s feet.

Anyway, enough about AMG (annoying movie guy) and more about the movie…

Film-wise, it is probably not the best documentary made. However, this doesn’t matter when the message of the film is so incredibly powerful. The use of photographs, footage and interviews do the job perfectly. The photographs are shocking, appalling, horrific. It’s depressing to think that these images were finally shown to society so they could be aware, but after a few weeks most of society tried to forget they were aware. Some of the most affecting parts of the documentary were when the victims of the crisis in Darfur spoke about their plight. My heart broke to hear the suffering they had been put through. I was left feeling anger, sadness, disgust, helplessness and shock, but also respect for the work Brian Steidle is doing to bring change. This is the type of movie that needs a wide release, but if it did, would people go and see it?

Fabio

I realise to most this will be old, old, old news (considering this screened last year in America), but last night the America’s Next Top Model episode screened where the contestants (I refuse to call them models) posed for ‘romance novels’. Since we are so far behind in NZ I always know the winner before the series screens. However, I never know what will happen on each episode, or else I might’ve invested in some eye bleach. As soon as it was announced by my favourite orange man, Jay Manuel, they were doing romance novel covers posing with a special guest, my first thought was “oh no, it’s going to be fucking Fabio”. I think my second was, “How did I know that?” I did not have the foresight to turn off my TV unfortunately.

I do not want to see Fabio grind. I do not want to see Fabio gyrate. I do not want to see Fabio nibble someone’s ear! I felt violated. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but ew ew ew my eyes. I mentioned to my friend that it should’ve come with a special parental guidance warning (or just a warning for people with a sensitive disposition, e.g. me), and she kindly obliged - “Caution: some content of a Fabio related nature may cause offence (or dry retching). Eye closure is advised.” I blame Tyra. Thanks Tyra, thanks a lot!

So now you know. If you want to freak me the hell out, play video clips of Fabio acting even remotely sexual. Side note: I bet you’ve never heard the word Fabio mentioned so many times in one place.

And to completely change the subject now (since I’m starting to get flashbacks), there are so many flies on our ceiling it’s starting to resemble an insect version of The Birds. I think I’ve ingested more fly spray than they have, the bastards.